Waking Ear

Robert Palmer/"I Didn't Mean to Turn You On" -- Caution at work -- that link takes you to the full audio and video of the "Simply Irresistible" Pepsi commercial. You need this. Let's all face it -- Robert Palmer was the John Ritter of his time.

I got my latest copy of Spin yesterday, and it had Dave Matthews on the cover, and I thought, "Sucky." I turned to the reviews, and they were all too old, and there was no Outkast, which proves that monthly music magazine reviews have become totally irrelevant. I know they had the feature on Outkast last month, but whatever.

Then I went to the front section to see who Ultragrrrl was making herself be seen with, and it was Liz Phair, which made total sense. I like Ultragrrrl, who is apparently extremely high on Red Bull.

Anyway, there was something mildly interesting on the same page as Ultragrrrl, but I've forgotten it now. I leafed through a little more and began to think seriously about canceling my subscription. But I've already paid for it, so I might as well keep getting it to see what's going on with the kids.

But I need something better than this.

I read Pitchfork every day. More accurately, I scan Pitchfork. I am in the "Pitchfork writing is generally pretty good" camp, but it needs massive editing, which is why the singles column is now my favorite thing to read. The long-form album reviews get a cursory glance from me unless they've got a really good lead or are about a band I'm into already or are really favorable reviews where Will Bryant or whoever is having an orgasm in print.

I think the Pitchfork people are better tastemakers than they are writers, so I'll generally check out an album if they like it, and usually I like it too. I also consult Metacritic for anything Pitchfork fucked up on or just plain missed, either as an oversight or because it doesn't cover a whole lot of country or rap or whatever. So I've got my music review bases pretty well covered, and I don't think I necessarily need more reviews from a music magazine.

What I'd like is good music writing, which is extremely hard to find and for which I hold very high standards. I'd like interviews that talk about what people are trying to do with music and performances. It's OK if they talk about the way an artist does her hair, but I want her to do her hair for a goddamn reason. And I don't want any of that lazy "Pink sips coffee in a Starbucks and stares wistfully outside. She's probably thinking about her childhood." crap. I don't mind the childhood stuff. I mind the insinuations and the overarching themes that attempt to make people seem way more interesting than they really are. We can smell it a mile away, Spin, and that goes for you too, RS, you smirking, leering, posing-but-no-longer-smoking-cigarettes pervert.

I want one list per issue, max. Lists are fine if they're informed. A list of the '80s heavy metal albums I must own, y'know, fine, I'll accept. They're fun. Nick Hornby made a whole book out of 'em, and then John Cusack made it a movie, and I liked the movie, and I never read the book. But don't Maxim-ize my entire fucking magazine, please.

I want features on scenes, the thing Spin was doing back when I subscribed. I want to know what electroclash people do, or what kids in Atlanta or Salem (either one) or Albuquerque are listening to.

There's more I want, but the above would be a fine beginning.

Any suggestions? Are there any music/pop culture mags out there worth reading?