Waking Ear

Mary J. Blige/"Family Affair" -- This song is not about having no more drama. It's about denying it all. "Fuck it. Let's get drunk." But Mary is tied to the drama. It will come back to her. She has escaped it momentarily.

Last weekend my sister graduated from college. When she walked up to get her diploma, they handed her the little book, but inside was a paper saying she was one credit short. She couldn't figure out what had happened and bawled for about two hours. My whole family was there, so we spent this somber time sitting on the couches in her apartment, trying to make small talk. My grandmother, who's in her early 80s, informed us that she really likes fried chicken and pound cake together.

Finally my mom got in touch with the registrar, and it turned out that the school hadn't received my sister's AP scores from high school. So they tracked them down, and my sister, still red-faced and flustered, got her diploma.

My sister has always been the one who stirred things up in our family. The rest of us -- my parents and I -- were content to just let things be, even if something needed to be said. We were confrontation-avoiders.

But my sister was blunt and angry, unafraid to embarrass herself and the rest of us if something needed to be said. When we were little kids, we were fighting one day and my dad told us to knock it off. My sister blurted out, "Get along, get along! That's all you ever say!" She once ran screaming in terror from a church service because she got stage fright standing up with the rest of the children's choir.

In high school, she smoked, did some recreational drugs, snuck out at night, etc. There were huge shouting matches with my parents. My dad tried a staunch, strict attitude, but he loved her too much. My mom did too, and cried more than once on my shoulder, exasperated. There is still residue from this, but her freedom at college seemed to give everyone room to breathe. My dad mellowed. My mom learned how to stop blaming herself for everything.

After the graduation incident, my sister kept apologizing. "I'm sorry for the drama." But the drama has been with us for 22 years, calling our bullshit and making our lives interesting. I've never been so thankful for it.

I'm not really sure how to talk to my sister, and we don't chat very often. It's hard to even talk about her. But knowing she's out there cracking heads is really reassuring.

Keep the drama coming, Kate. And congrats.